Brooks Range, Alaska
Caribou are assholes. That’s the first thing I learned while bowhunting in the Brooks Range. Before I joined the hunting expedition — which required flying from my home in Seattle to meet friends in Anchorage, Alaska, loading 16 duffel bags into two pickup trucks, driving due north for more than 800 miles along a hurl-inducing highway, and camping in sub-zero temperatures on tundra for a week — I had been feeling confident. Very confident.
“They’re basically reindeer,” I boasted to my next door neighbor before the trip. “The herds are well managed. We’ll be responsible hunters, culling the herd. Our chances of bagging an animal are great.” She nodded sagely, scooping her apricot-colored Labradoodle’s poop into a biodegradable plastic bag, and we walked together back into our LEED-certified condo building. I offered to bring back some caribou meat. We’d have a potluck, I said. Everybody was welcome! She promised to provide organic salad greens and a bottle of vino verde. Maybe some good mustard.
Later, somewhere in the Arctic Circle, I related that story to my Native Alaskan hunting partner. The herd, a small cluster of six or eight caribou, we were stalking knew goddamn well that we were there. They seemed to be meandering toward the horizon at a relaxed, amiable pace as we crawled on our bellies through a semi-frozen mixture of mud and musk-ox poo. Dusk was falling. “I just really wanted a caribou burger,” I said, watching the last of the animals disappear over the horizon. He looked at me, his bow slung over his back, and smiled. “Most people have no idea what’s involved in hunting for your own food.”