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Maple Water Vs. Pineapple Soda

Stay Wild

If you're like us, you're always wondering about stupid things that you really don't need to waste your few remaining brains cells on. So you've probably wondered who would win in a taste-test-death-match between maple water and pineapple soda-pop.

Here's the blow-by-blow as we take these two drinks to the ring:

More about these official Stay Wild coozies soon.

More about these official Stay Wild coozies soon.

Getting it Open: The water box just twists open, but you have to use your teeth to pop the lid off the soda bottle

Coozie Fitting: The bottle looks cooler, but the box fits more snug.

Taste: Pineapple flavor is the magical urine of summer plant goddesses, but maple flavor is the woodsy bearded autumnal wizard's honey-hooch. Soooo… pick your season?

Authenticity: Everything is "authentic" especially artificial pineapple flavored soda-pop. That said the maple water comes from trees, so it might be a little more "authentic" since it has actual roots.

Sweetness: Maple water claims to have a "delightful hint-of-maple" sweetness, but pineapple soda-pop sweetness has 420-69% more rot-your-teeth-out sweetness.

Noise: The soda makes for great burps, but the water makes for great farts.

Healthy Vitamin Fact Stuff: They both have 0% protein, 0% fat, and 0% potassium (banana-juice). The soda has 95 more calories then the water. So if you don't like calories drink the water.

Popularity: The internet says that maple water is the new coconut water. Is that a fact? We're calling pineapple soda-pop the new naked water slide. So there!

Ok, so let's total up the scores (beep-boop-bong-dong-DING!): it's a tie!!! Mostly because we'll drink anything. It's just more fuel for the fire. We'll burn it off on our way up the mountain or paddling out to bigger waves.


Thank you Vertical Water for sending us a box of maple water to try out. We drank it all!
Thank you Jarritos for always being there (inside taco trucks) when we need you.